We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
