When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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