I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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