worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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