Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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