You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Buhtt sex?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
