Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
