Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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