Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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