I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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