I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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