My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
