you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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