I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
