imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
