sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
