i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
