Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
