Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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