The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
