I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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