just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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