fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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