you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
