so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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