can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
