She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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