butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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