so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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