Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
too bad you live with your parents still
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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