apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't turn off my feet"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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