I got chris browned last night
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
