Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
