Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
