let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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