so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
