She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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