At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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