I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
