Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
