She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
