So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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