im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
