Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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