I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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