DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
