Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
