Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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