ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
