ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
