The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
