He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
