Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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