OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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