Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
